The Ultimate Zutara Guide: Marriage Issues
by catharticdeficit
Summary: It’s inevitable that marriages have lots of ups and downs. Learn all about the many problems and joys of marriage Zutara style!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own ATLA. Dimartino and Konietzko won't sell it to me. Damn.

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**It's inevitable that marriages have a lot of ****ups and downs. Learn all about the many problems and joys of marriage Zutara style! **

_Note: All of the situations here are based on real life observations of the author-slash-amateur sociologist._

_Many thanks to Vicki So whose Till Death Do Us Part served as an inspiration for these drabbles._ :)

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**Chapter 1: Mistaken Assumptions Part One

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_Was there ever a time that you felt that you couldn't do anything right?

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It was their honeymoon, a time meant solely to be in each other's arms, their reward after finally convincing the world that a love such as theirs existed, even if at first, everyone and everything were against the marriage that has shaken the world out of its orbit.

But it didn't matter for the two. What's important is that they were together and they were in love. Nothing else existed but them as they stared deeply in each other's eyes, getting lost in the depths of the other.

Golden eyes held blue eyes as pale, calloused skin wrapped over tan, soft ones. A smile was formed on their lips as the ocean breeze swept past the balcony in which they had their first dinner as man and wife.

The island was well off the main land of the Fire Nation and was the private haven of the Fire Lords. The large manor served as a rest house, and now was the ultimate honeymoon spot for the young Fire Lord and his beautiful Water Chieftess wife. After the wedding hours ago, they immediately set sail for this island, wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of their vacation in pure bliss trapped in each other's arms.

A waiter dressed in red came over to them, offering them the menu.

"Good evening, I will be your server for tonight. Please choose anything of your fancy and we will serve it to you straight away, dear lord and lady." The rich baritone of the guard-turned-waiter filled the night air and seemed to be in tune with the light and sweet notes of the violin in the background.

Fire Lord Zuko smiled and asked, "What would you like, Katara?"

"Anything that you want, my dear," answered Katara sweetly. "It's your choice. This was a very nice surprise, Zuko. I love it, and you."

Zuko grinned. It was actually his conniving Uncle Iroh who thought of this. He suggested that a nice, romantic dinner in the best balcony of the Fire Manors would be the perfect way to start the first evening of their honeymoon. Zuko made a mental note to give his Uncle lots of tea as gratitude when he comes back to Shenhoun.

The Fire Lord opened up the menu and gave his orders.

The serenity was absolute, everything was perfect, the music was sweet and lulling, the breeze was cool and crisp, the mood was sickeningly romantic, and nothing seemed to go wr—

"Ugh, Zuko, why did you order something with peanuts? You know I'm allergic. And why is this red wine, you always drink white wine with white meat. This salad is so limp, and I don't like this vinaigrette. What kind of fruit is this? You should have ordered some kiwi fruit. And honestly, Zuko, these flowers on the table is giving me a nasty allergy. Would you please take them away? You know that I'm pregnant Zuko, so why didn't you order me some seedless strawberries? Zuko, are you even listening to me? Why are you hitting your head on the table? And are you whimpering? I knew it, you don't love me anymore and you're regretting that you married me! I hate you! Fine, I'm taking my baby with me and don't you ever come after us! I HATE YOU!"

And all tranquility was broken.

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_This wasn't that funny, but this really happened. I saw this scene myself in a restaurant here, but not as scandalous. Hope you enjoyed. Please feel free to give me any comments and suggestions. I appreciate any constructive feedback. Writer's blocks are a big bitch. I'm already having trouble with my other two stories. _

**Rienne :p**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** ATLA is not mine, okay?

**It's inevitable that marriages have a lot of ups and downs. Learn all about the many problems and joys of marriage Zutara style!

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**

**Mistaken Assumptions Part Two**

It was a nice day out and the Fire Lady decided to do some shopping for the expected baby. Of course, Fire Lord Zuko's over protectiveness came to surface and he cancelled all meetings and other things scheduled for the day to accompany his very pregnant wife choose baby clothes and buy what not.

At the clothes shop:

"What style of robes do you like for the new baby?" asked Zuko lovingly.

"It's your choice, honey," answered Katara sweetly.

At the blacksmith:

"What kind of design would you like the crib to be?" said the Fire Lord as he held his wife's hand.

"Whatever you pick would be fine, my dearest," said the Fire Lady.

At the toy shop:

"You're not choosing the baby's new toys?" inquired Zuko.

"I'm sitting this one out. You can choose for her," replied Katara.

"Or him," Zuko quipped.

At the bookstore:

"I wonder what book would be perfect for a bedtime story?" muttered Zuko as he went through the shelves.

"I don't know. What would you choose?"

At the ride home:

"What's with the baby robes? They were in style—fifty years ago! The crib's design was way off and I know that I could have added some more touches that would make it perfect. All of the baby's toys are for boys only—what if it becomes a girl? The book you chose was too morbid for a children's story and too bloody. Why didn't you pick something like a fairy tale…?"

The Fire Lord could only close his eyes and meditate, trying to drown out the incessant rants of his wife.

_Note to self: If Katara says its my choice, it's really her choice._

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_Teehee. This was rushed, so it didn't come as I wanted it. :) This happened to my parents, except that it wasn't about baby things. **Review**, please! So that I'll know if I'll continue these drabbles or not. _

**Rienne ;p**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own ATLA.

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**Mistaken Assumptions Part Three**

"Honey," Katara's head poked out from his office door. "Can you do me a favor?"

The Fire Lord's head snapped up from the papers he was signing and got up to help hispregnant wife sit down.

"Sure, what is it?" he asked, brushing away a stray hair from her brow.

"I want to shop for some nice baby shoes, and I want you to come with me," said Katara simply.

Zuko froze. He still hasn't forgotten what happened the past few days when they've gone shopping.

But looking at that beautiful face and sparkling azure eyes made him recall just how much he loves his little wife and the pact that he swore upon a few years ago when he realized that he loved her to no end—the vow that he will make her happy no matter what it takes.

He took a deep breath.

"Of course, Katara, I'll go with you. But promise me one thing: I will not choose anything for the baby. You will have to do all the choosing yourself, okay? I'll just stand by and watch."

Katara grabbed her husband's wrist and pulled him in for a kiss.

"That's a promise."

At the shoe shop:

"Honey, I really couldn't decide," Katara frowned at shoes in her hands. "Help me out here."

Zuko gave her a loving, yet piercing stare.

"Remember what you promised, Katara."

"But I really can't decide! Oh please, just choose one!" She displayed her cutest puppy dog eyes and pouting lips. And by the soft sigh that escaped from Zuko's lips, she knew she won.

"Fine," Zuko grumbled. "Just one pair."

He saw a small red pair from the corner of the shelf and picked it up. It had lots of sparkly sequins and glass beads—the perfect shoe for a little girl.

"Okay, this one," he said, holding the shoe up.

Katara smiled and Zuko thought that he had made the right choice until—

"That? Hahahahahah! You absolutely have no taste, Zuko! It's so cheesy!"

Zuko glared at her and if he were not only in a public place, he would have screamed at her.

"Go on, honey! Choose another one!"

That night, Zuko chose to confront her and ask her why she enjoyed putting him in such embarrassment and pain.

"I just needed a laugh, that's all," she answered, shrugging.

Zuko refused to talk to her all night.

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_So we won't be seeing any hot sex tonight. _

_My fics, Infinite Abyss and I Know won't be updated for another while or so. Only one reason: writer's blocks._

**Rienne ;p**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Aang is the property of Dimartino, Konietzko, and Viacom Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. A teenager who's not too kindly with lawyers and shoots the hell out of their assess wrote this appalling excuse for a fic, so please don't sue. This disclaimer will hold true for the next chapters/drabbles.

**Now for something different….**

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"Hey, Zuko, will it be possible to give away all of those old carpets of ours and buy new ones?"

"Are you mad, woman? Those are thousand-year-old carpets and they've been in this palace since it was built! The answer's no way, Katara! N-O-W-A-Y!"

"That's really a shame, dear."

"Why?"

"The Fire Temple's priests have just written to me and asked me if I could give away some carpets. They're doing their renovations of the place."

"And so?"

"I figured that the carpets in the Great Hall were so old and moldy that it was time to get new ones. I already gave them away."

…

"Honey? Zuko?"

…

"Will you say something? Dear, you look red. I'll get you some ice."

_Bang!_

"My goodness! What happened, Zuko? Help! The Fire Lord's just fainted!"

_I must have misspelled 'no way'…._

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_I know I haven't updated for ages, but since I'm now a sophomore in college, I don't have much time for this stuff right now. **REVIEW**, please!_

**Rienne **


	5. Chapter 5

"Honey, the charity just wrote to me. They were wondering if we could probably donate something. Why don't we give them something, like those priceless vases or a whole chest of gold? That should help them in their cause."

"That's fine, Katara sweetheart. Sure. Whatever you want."

…

…

"'That's fine?' 'Sure?' Why did it seem like you were sarcastic when you said that?"

"Argh!"

"Zuko, you put down that dagger from your neck or so help me Shasha, I will nag you incessantly!"

…

"Good, Zuko, that's good. Now, put that dagger back in its sheath…. There, that's nice…. Where are you going?"

…

"Guards! Help! The Fire Lord's attempting to jump off the window! He'll die!"

"That's the main idea, Katara! Just let me die!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Now, Zuko, will you tell me why you wanted to die?"

"Katara, it's like this. Whenever you ask me permission to do something like give away half the palace, and I say no, you just go ahead and do it anyway. So what's the point in me even arguing about it. So I said yes. Isn't that what you want anyway?"

"Oh, Zuko. If you would just tell me not to give those stuff away then I would. I honestly value your opinion."

Sigh. "Okay, then. If I tell you not to get our stuff back, will you do it?"

"Of course not! I already gave them away! And I promised to give more, whether you like it or not."

…

"Guards! Anyone! Barricade all windows and take away all weapons from this room! Zuko! No!"

"I want to die!" _Crash! _

"I think Zuko forgot the fact that his office in on the ground floor…."

"If I can't die this way I might as well drown! **AAAAAHHHH!**"

"And the pool's only a meter deep." _Sigh._ "Iroh, do you think it's too late to bring Zuko to the Mental Wards? I think he's working too much and it's stressing him out."

"Trust me, Katara. His problem is not on overwork. It's getting worked up."

"By whom?"

"You are so blissfully naïve, child. No go get your husband before he _really_ kills himself."


	7. Chapter 7

Now for something different.

This part is how Zuko and Katara married. Enjoy!

…

"You two are getting married?"

"Why does that surprise you, Sokka? Zuko and I love each other!"

"Are you pregnant, Katara?"

"What kind of question is that, Suki?"

"WHAT?!"

"Take a chill pill, Aang, Sokka. I am not pregnant. It's just that…well, we just love each other too much and decided that getting married would be the greatest and we should have done it years ago."

"Years ago?! But…you're only eighteen, Katara! And you haven't even known each other for two years. Two years, which I will remind you that you only spent three months even remotely liking the guy for crying out loud! We didn't even know you guys had a relationship before Toph here heard you guys giggling like a couple of buffoons in the Royal Gardens!"

"And so? I'm way beyond the marrying age. Please, just accept the fact that Zuko and I are getting married!"

"Then where is your glorious husband-to-be eh? Why isn't he here delivering the freaking 'good news' with you?!"

"Stop with the interrobangs, will you?"

"I will not stop and will not care about punctuating my sentences with an exclamation point and a question mark and breaking every Shasha-forsaken rule in grammar and sentence construction until you tell me where your no-good fiancé is!"

"He's back at the Fire Nation, okay? He had some more important things to do?"

"Like what?! Miss the opportunity for us to smash his head in?!"

"Sokka, stop it."

"Don't you dare side on the idiots here, Aang."

"If you can't accept my decision, perhaps it's best that I leave now. Good-bye."

"Katara!"

"You are so thick! Can't you see that they're in love?"

"Suki, please! He just wants to get in her pants! That's what every man wants. That's why we splurge on the very expensive engagement ring and drivel on about promises we don't have any reason to fulfill."

"Uh-oh."

"Um, Suki, my dear…you do know that that is not a generalization…more like a…."

BANG! CRASH! SPLAT! BOOM! SQUEAK!

Groan…then a scream likened to a little girl's.

"Suki, you do know that what you did is illegal in all nations…if we are in a place called Europe, which is in another universe or possible another dimension, it would even be illegal in a country named Sweden. Poor Sokka. Now you won't have future kids."

…

"They don't want us to get married."

"Screw them. Here."

"What's this?"

"This is a marriage licence. And this is our wedding rings. We don't need them to get married, sweetie. Come on, I've arranged everything. We could get married right this minute."

"But how…."

"I am the Fire Lord. Nothing is impossible to me. Will you marry me or not?"

"I will! I will!"

…

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

…

"I love you so much, Katara."

"I love you too, Zuko."

"Tell me, how did you fall in love with me? It couldn't be my overwhelming appeal or my high intellect…though Agni knows how you crave for an intelligent conversation which only I could give you."

"Shut up! Aang and Sokka are highly intelligent beings."

"Dear, when you refer to highly intelligent beings, you sounded like you're describing a pet."

"Oh. Sorry. Anyway, I fell for you for a different reason."

"What's that?"

"You had a cute ass."

"Huh?"

"Remember when we were hunting a few months ago? That lion took a chunk of your armor in the back? Yup, when I healed you I thought you had a sexy bum. And immediately fell for you."

"Now you're just kidding me."

"I'm serious. I have a thing for nice backsides."

"Hmmm…I'm liking yours as well."

"Stop it! That tickles!"

"We're married. You can't sue me for sexual harassment."

"Put me down! Where are you taking me?"

"I'm going to show you that we are truly married. And this time, when you scream, it's because you will like what I'll do."

"Horny bastard."

"But you love me anyway."

"Yeah I do. What's wrong with us?"

"Nothing's wrong with me. There must be something wrong with you, though, because we should have done this the first time we met. We could have had ages between us and at least three children!"

"Hello? The first time we met you were attacking my village, remember?"

"Details. Who cares? The first thing you should have done when you first saw me was prostrate yourself and vow to be my little love slave."

"Creep! Now shut up and love me."

"That I can do. And trust me…what you taste this night can never be equaled by anyone else."

"Hahaha. What's the difference when a Firebender makes love?"

"It's good, baby. It's good."

"I'll hold you to that."

"You better."


	8. Chapter 8

"You know what, Uncle. They say that you only truly know the person when you married them."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Like during the night when we sleep, she hogs the bed. She practically kicks me out to sleep on the floor, wrenches the sheets away from me…and then waes me up in the middle of the night with her snores! You should have heard her! It's like stones being crushed! It was horrible!"

…

"Suki! It was awful! I couldn't get any sleep last night…or any other nights come to it since I married Zuko!"

"Why's that?"

"He's horrible when he sleeps! He tosses and turns and talks and grumbles in his sleep! I couldn't even get a wink last night! It's driving me crazy!"

…

"And she has a lot of quirks…like she has to wake up at daybreak every single time! I try to get her to sleep again because she opens the windows wide and the light bothers me but she won't and said that we should have an early day! And that was during the first day of our honeymoon! Who wakes up at five a.m. during their honeymoon? Isn't it supposed to be a rule that we can't officially leave the marital bed until at least the afternoon?"

…

"I try to wake him up bright and early so we could get a start on things, but no. He would just mutter something and get back to sleep. It's like nothing matters to him anymore!"

…

"Look at this scenario, Uncle. We live in a palace, I'm the king and she's the queen. We have a hundred laundresses here in the palace. But she still insists on washing her own underwear! When I get up to take a shower for the day, I feel like it's some sort of festival in the bathroom with all of her undergarments hanging up there!"

…

"And when he uses the bathroom, everything's wet. It's as if he wasn't satisfied in getting himself clean; he has to wash the whole room as well!"

…

"She sews her own clothes…."

…

"He has so many rips and holes in his robes it's amazing he didn't look like some ragged beggar when out in the streets!"

…

"She's so paranoid about her hygiene…."

…

"I thought Fire people were clean ones but no…their king couldn't even pick up a toothbrush at night."

…

"She burps loudly."

…

"He doesn't know how to lighten up!"

…

"And this is the time we nearly had a huge argument over. I was working on some papers in our room when she walks in, passes by me and rips out this loud and foul smelling gas."

…

"I farted. And who cares? I'm a married woman and he is my husband. Does he think women don't have intestines as well?"

…

"When I told her to control her bowel since her gas stinks…you know what she said? She said…."

…

"I told him that when has he ever heard of passed wind that smells like fresh-cut spring flowers? Huh? Where and when?"

…

"Women!"

…

"Men!"

…

"You can't live with them, yet can't live without them."


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